? ?°?·??????: divorce
With all this talk of divorce in the air, it seems that I've written a lot about the language of love but not much about the language of love's end. Breaking up may be hard to do but describing it in Russian isn't.
First, you can take the high road and use the verb ?€?°?????‚?°?‚?????? (to part), which can refer to a marriage or any relationship, from a high school romance to a long-term, live-in union. The Russian Internet gives lots of advice and encouragement on this score: ???°?? ?€?°?????‚?°?‚?????? ????-?…???€?????µ????? (How can you break up nicely?) ? ?°?????‚?°?‚?????? ?? ???»???±???‚?????? ??????????! (Break up and fall in love again!)
Or you can simply go your separate ways: ?€?°?·?????‚??????. ???‹ ?? ?’???????? ?€?°?·?????»?????? (Vova and I separated). Depending on the context, this can mean a breakup, a trial separation or a divorce. ???‹ ?? ?’???????? ?€?°?·?????»??????, ???? ?? ?????‘-?‚?°???? ???°???µ??????, ?‡?‚?? ???‹ ?????????? ?±?????µ?? ?????µ???‚?µ (Vova and I separated, but I still hope we'll get back together again).
But if it's not a temporary lovers' spat, it's ?€?°?·?????? (divorce). ???‹ ?? ?’???????? ???????°?»?? ???° ?€?°?·?????? (Vova and I put in our papers for a divorce). ???‹ ?? ?’???????? ???„???€?????»?? ?€?°?·?????? (Vova and I registered our divorce). ???‹ ???¶?µ ?‚?€?? ???µ?????†?° ?? ?€?°?·???????µ (We've been divorced for three months now).
If things are complicated, one spouse might ask for a divorce and the other might agree to it. ???????»?µ ?????»?????… ?€?°?·?????????? ?? ?€?µ?????»?° ???°?‚?? ?µ???? ?€?°?·?????? (After much thought, I decided to give him a divorce). If a friend insists the marriage can be saved, you can say: ???µ?‚, ???‹ ???¶?µ ???????°?»?? ?·?°?????»?µ?????µ ???° ?€?°?·?????? ?? ?—???“???µ (No, we already filed for divorce in the registry office, which in full is ???‚???µ?» ?·?°???????? ?°???‚???? ???€?°?¶???°???????????? ???????‚?????????? — registry office of acts of civil status, aka "the bureau of vital statistics").
The main verb for divorcing is ?€?°?·???µ???‚??????: ???‹ ?? ?????¶?µ?? ?€?°?·???µ?»?????? (My husband and I divorced). The verb ?€?°?·???µ???‚?? can be used to describe some third party or circumstance that ended your marriage. ???°?? ?€?°?·???µ?»?? ???°???? ?????»?????µ ?€?°?·?»?????? (Our long separations broke us up). ?’ ?—???“???µ ???°?? ?±?‹???‚?€?? ?€?°?·???µ?»?? (They quickly divorced us in the registry office).
If you want to get all formal about it, you might use the phrase ?€?°???‚???€???????‚?? ?±?€?°?? (to dissolve a marriage). ???‹ ?€?°???‚???€???»?? ???°?? ?±?€?°?? (We ended our marriage). Sometimes the spouses aren't the ones to finalize the divorce. ???°?? ?±?€?°?? ?€?°???‚???€???»?? ?€?µ???µ?????µ?? ???????° (Our marriage was dissolved by court decision). If a friend tells you that, pull out the Kleenex and settle in for a long, teary story.
This is also called ???€?µ???€?°?‰?µ?????µ ?±?€?°???° (termination of a marriage). ???°?????µ ???????????‹ ?????‰?µ???‚???????‚ ???»?? ???€?µ???€?°?‰?µ?????? ?±?€?°???°? (On what bases can a marriage be terminated?)
If the marriage is over de facto but not yet de jure, you can say: ???°?? ?±?€?°?? ?·?°???µ?€???‘?? (Or marriage is over). Or: ?’ ?‚???‚ ???????µ???‚ ?? ?????????»?°, ?‡?‚?? ???°?? ?±?€?°?? ?·?°???????‡?µ?? (At that moment, I realized that our marriage was over).
Of course, sometimes a marriage ends when one spouse flies the coop. ?’?????° ?????°?·?°?» ?????µ ???€???‰?°?? (Vova said goodbye). ?’?????° ???€?????‚???»???? ???? ???????? ???°?????????µ?? (Vova said goodbye forever). ?’?????° ?????‘?» ???‚ ???µ???? (Vova left me). ?’?????° ???µ???? ?±?€???????» (Vova dumped me). ?’?????° ???µ???? ?????????????» (Vova ditched me).
I guess there really are 50 ways to leave your lover.
Michele A. Berdy, a Moscow-based translator and interpreter, is author of "The Russian Word's Worth" (Glas), a collection of her columns.
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