?›?µ?????? – ???€???±: Lenin is a mushroom
What’s the best thing about a week of pretty much nonstop rain in September? Well, if you’ve held out at the dacha, when the rain lets up, you can go mushroom hunting (?…???????‚?? ???? ???€???±?‹) and score a huge, perfect cepe (?±?µ?»?‹?? ???€???±) right in your own backyard.
It goes like this: Your neighbor comes over and demands: ?”?°?? ?????¶! (Give me a knife!), which in other months and circumstances might sound alarming, but on a damp fall day means that he wants to scavenge in your garden for edible fungi. Carrying supermarket bags instead of the traditional ?????·???? (birch bark basket), eyes to the ground and knife at the ready, you and your ???€???±???????? (mushroom hunters) begin to circle slowly around the yard, delicately nudging grass and shrubs to the side while scolding the excited dogs, who are racing around and potentially trampling dinner.
Lest you think too highly of my mushroom-hunting abilities, I must confess that I’m like a truffle pig with a stuffed-up nose. That is, I can spot mushrooms, but since I can’t identify them with any certainty, I just stand stock-still and shout ?“?€???±! (Mushroom!) and wait for an experienced hunter-gatherer to make the call.
Sometimes it’s a good call, and I can savor the thought of soup and enjoy the expressive names: ?????‘?????? (honey mushroom, named for the ???µ???? — stump — it grows by); ???€???·???? (milk mushroom); ?‡?‘?€???‹?? ???€???·???? or ?‡?µ?€?????????° (ugly milk cap); ???‹?€???µ?¶???° (Russula; literally, “eaten raw”); ?»???????‡???° (chanterelle); ???°???»?‘?????? (slippery jack or butter mushroom); ???????±?µ?€?‘?·???????? (birch bolete; literally, “under the birch”); ?????????????????????? (boletus, literally “under the aspen”); and ?±?µ?»?‹?? (porcini or cepe).
The poisonous ones that I point out with the same enthusiasm are usually just dismissed as ???»???…???? ???€???± (bad mushroom), although sometimes my friends will clarify them as ?????…???????€ (fly agaric) or ???????°?????° (toadstool). At one point, we paused nostalgically by a patch of gray-brown mushrooms on long, delicate stems — ???????»???†???±?° (psilocybin). Sighing that we no longer had any interest in hallucinogenic mushrooms, we moved on.
Part of the ritual as we fill up our sacks is entertaining me with Russian mushroom expressions. ?“?€???±???? ???±???µ???‚?????? (literally, “to eat your fill of mushrooms”) means to go crazy — an expression recalled by those hallucinogenic mushrooms. Of course, we quoted ???µ?‚?? ?€?°???‚???‚ ???°?? ???€???±?‹ ???????»?µ ?????¶???? (children are sprouting up like mushrooms after a rain), and ?±?µ?· ???‡?°???‚???? ?? ???€???±?° ???µ ???°?????µ???? (without luck you can’t find a mushroom — that is, skills aren’t enough). And my all-time favorite: ???°?·???°?»???? ???€???·???‘??, ?????»?µ?·?°?? ?? ?????·???? (if you call yourself a milk mushroom, jump in the basket) — that is, if you say you can do something, keep your promise and do it.
Then someone recalled that masterpiece of absurdist television: ?›?µ?????? — ???€???± (Lenin is a mushroom). On a show aired in 1991, the musician Sergei Kuryokhin spun out pseudo-scientific and fake scholarly evidence proving that after decades of eating mushrooms, Lenin had turned into one. The next day, a delegation of apparently humorless old Bolsheviks went to the Party headquarters and asked: ???€?°?????°, ?‡?‚?? ?›?µ?????? — ???€???±? (Is it true that Lenin was a mushroom?) The flustered Party worker replied: ???µ?‚! ?????‚?????? ?‡?‚?? ???»?µ?????????‚?°???‰?µ?µ ???µ ?????¶?µ?‚ ?±?‹?‚?? ?€?°???‚?µ?????µ??! (No! Because a mammal can’t be a plant!)
Chuckling, muddy, and happily hefting our bags, we finished our hunt. We had gathered more than a kilogram of mushrooms in an hour, without even leaving our yards.
Michele A. Berdy, a Moscow-based translator and interpreter, is author of “The Russian Word’s Worth” (Glas), a collection of her columns.
A Message from The Moscow Times:
Dear readers,
We are facing unprecedented challenges. Russia's Prosecutor General's Office has designated The Moscow Times as an "undesirable" organization, criminalizing our work and putting our staff at risk of prosecution. This follows our earlier unjust labeling as a "foreign agent."
These actions are direct attempts to silence independent journalism in Russia. The authorities claim our work "discredits the decisions of the Russian leadership." We see things differently: we strive to provide accurate, unbiased reporting on Russia.
We, the journalists of The Moscow Times, refuse to be silenced. But to continue our work, we need your help.
Your support, no matter how small, makes a world of difference. If you can, please support us monthly starting from just $2. It's quick to set up, and every contribution makes a significant impact.
By supporting The Moscow Times, you're defending open, independent journalism in the face of repression. Thank you for standing with us.
Remind me later.