Good, Clean Fun: A Day at the Banya

t's that old dilemma, banyus interruptus. You know the routine. You secure a bathing buddy. You set the date. You collect your linens, flip flops and loofah sponges. And then you back out.


For all your good intentions, you end up hopping into your own personal shower instead for a quick rinse. Let's face it: Bathing in public can be a real hassle.


But anyone who has resisted the convenience of the home shower can tell you that the rewards of the Russian banya are bountiful. After a series of ritual extremes -- from scorching heat to cold plunges and birch-branch beatings -- your blood will flow a little brisker, your body will feel a little looser, and your pores will thank you for days. There is no clean like a banya clean.


And now there is good news for hesitant bathers: A trip to the banya does not require an enormous amount of pre-planning. My own private survey of three women's banyas showed that bathing in Moscow can be quite spontaneous. It all depends on your personal fancy -- sophisticated lounging with fashion-model look-alikes, or an old-fashioned communal sweat with the babushkas. There is a banya for everyone.


Apologies to all male readers, but for obvious reasons this survey did not venture beyond the women's facilities. All three banyas do have men's bathing facilities and they will be reviewed as soon as a willing victim can be found.


Those who tend to shy away from crowded, communal bathing might try Moscow's oldest banya, Sandunovsky. For 25,000 rubles ($12.50) you can enjoy a two-hour session at the "lux" facility, complete with workout room. Don't be put off by the dim entryway -- in the upstairs changing room the atmosphere is lazy and luxurious.


An elite set of mostly young and good-looking women languish on cushioned divans, many of them tanned a deep caramel. (There is not point looking for tan lines -- there aren't any.) Some flip through fashion magazines, while others whisper behind the red curtains of private changing booths, ceiling fans spinning noiselessly overhead.


The dressing room is the best part of the Sandunovsky banya. The wash room is clean and adequate -- you are unlikely to pick up any diseases brushing against the tiled walls -- but it is without soul. Washbasins stand empty on the stone benches as the younger women opt instead for the showers.


The Russian sauna with its new wooden panelling and vaulted ceilings is pleasant, but it was not hot enough for my tastes. As a veteran bather once said: "A Russian banya should be painful."


Sandunovsky is not only the fanciest public banya in town, it is also the most convenient. It is the perfect spot for a spontaneous bath after work. Everything you need is right there. Soap, shampoo and birch branches are sold on the premises, and flip flops, towels and linens can be rented for a few thousand rubles apiece.


But for all its convenience and luxury, Sandunovsky lacks the sense of community usually associated with the banya. Gone are the meddling babushkas who tell bathers they are not beating themselves correctly or the women sharing health and beauty tips as they smear sour cream and coffee grounds over their bodies.


For an authentic bathing experience, try the Teterinsky banya, where girls can be girls. Tucked away in a decaying brick building near Taganskaya metro station, Teterinsky is a long way from luxury. Cracked, vinyl benches line an otherwise barren dressing room, and the cave-like wash room with its broken tiled floors takes a little getting used to. But it is still a bargain bath at only 3,000 rubles per session, and it still draws a crowd. Inside the wash room, women of all shapes, ages and sizes bustle with activity. Those bathing in pairs take turns scrubbing each other down on long stone benches, while others sit with their feet in basins full of water, vigorously scrubbing from head to toe. This sight alone is worth more than the entry fee.


But it gets better. After a respectable amount of scrubbing and soaking, the women grab their birch brooms and head for the sauna, where they huddle together on wooden benches, bent over so as to protect themselves from the steam, which is a few degrees hotter than you imagine you can endure.


At first it is quiet, the silence occasionally interrupted by satisfied grunts. But in a few minutes the sweat starts pouring, and the symphony begins. Almost simultaneously the bathers reach for their birch brooms and start whacking themselves and their neighbors.


"Here, take my broom," the old woman next to me said. When I went to hand the broom back to her after a few ceremonial whacks the woman asked me to beat her, too. Now that's community.


Teterinsky may be authentic and inspiring, but it is a bring-your-own kind of place. While filling a gym bag with bathing supplies, remember to pack your flip flops (you won't want to go barefoot), a sheet, and a some plastic bags to sit on. Avoid contact with the walls and you will walk out of there mighty clean.


Finally, for those who find Sandunovsky too ritzy and Teterinsky too dingy, Krasnopresnensky banya is a good compromise. The dressing room may feature the same red vinyl benches, but the management has tried to spruce up the place with some picnic tables and a color television set.


Inside the wash room is bigger and brighter than at Teterinsky, with both a dry and a wet sauna, plenty of showers and -- best of all -- a cold plunge pool. After a hot sauna, there's nothing like a cold swim. But bring a cap if you don't want an irate babushka to scream at you.





?Sandunovsky: 14 Neglinnaya, tel. 925-4631. Open 8 A.M. until 10 P.M.; cashier closes at 8 P.M. A two-hour session at the lux banya, complete with exercise room, is 25,000 rubles (renting private booths and linens is extra); the "plain" banya downstairs is 10,000. Additional services available include a full-body massage, manicure, pedicure, and facials. Private bathing facilities for up to six may be ordered in advance for 150,000 rubles per hour. Closed Tuesday.





?Krasnopresnensky: 7 Stolyarny Pereulok, tel. 255-5306. Open 8 A.M. until 10 P.M.; cashier closes at 8 P.M. A two-hour session, complete with dry sauna, steam sauna and plunge pool, is 15,000 rubles. Additional services available: full-body massage, manicure, pedicure. Private bathing facilities for up to six may be ordered in advance for 80,000 rubles per hour. Closed Monday.





?Teterinsky: 4/8 Teterinsky Pereulok (near metro Taganskaya), tel. 915-2760. Open 8 A.M. until 8 P.M. A two-hour session is 3,000 rubles. No additional services. Closed Monday.