April Fools' Day captivates most Russians, but it is the Fourth Estate that traditionally celebrates it with the most fanfare, presenting their readers with whoppers even more outrageous than the news. This year was no different.
Publications that could, on most days, be counted on to present a more or less accurate overview of actual events, printed headlines like "Sensation of the Month: Sea Lions in the Moskva" and "Yasin: No Metro for Two Years." Some, like Nezavisimaya Gazeta, schoolmarmishly explained which pages were jokes. Others abandoned readers to their fate.
Like All Fools' Day in England, Den Smekha has a history so long that no one knows quite how it started. An account in one local paper traced the holiday to a 14th-century decree by an ancient king of Russia. The law designated April 1 as the occasion of giddiness and revelry -- or else.
"Those who are not rejoicing," the law went on sternly, "those people will have their nostrils tweaked, their faces soaked in treacle and they will be publicly called fools."
From that point on, the account goes, Russians obediently had fun on the first. But, of course, that story could be a joke. For the hoodwinked and the hoodwinkable, here are some of last week's faux events, in varying degrees of funniness:
?The Central Bank is considering a proposal to revamp Russia's currency along pre-revolutionary lines, reviving the gold three-ruble chervonets and the kopek. Furthermore, to discourage undue reliance on the dollar, citizens wishing to change currencies will need to produce a notarized certificate of earnings from their workplace, and a certificate from the tax inspectorate proving the holder has paid taxes on the ruble sum.
?In a gesture of friendship toward one of Russia's most noted politicians, the Indian government delivered an aquarium full of Indian Ocean seawater to State Duma Deputy Vladimir Zhirinovsky. Soon afterward, in full view of Moscow's political glitterati, Zhirinovsky washed his shoes in it. Journalists were barred from attending the ceremony.
?Japanese safety officials seized three Russia-based train cars containing the deadly nerve gas sarin, slyly concealed in cigarette lighters by the embattled Japanese religious sect Aum Sinrikyo. In accordance with the U.S.-Russia treaty on the Removal of Chemical Armaments, Russian officials have refused to pay for disposal of the gas.
?Acting Prosecutor General Alexei Ilyushenko gave orders for the arrest of Norman Thagard, now aboard the space station Mir, on charges of war crimes and espionage. Specifically, Ilyushenko accused Thagard of participating in direct assault on Russian forces during the Vietnam War, and of photographing the Kremlin at night, "with the help of a spying apparatus." Thagard has submitted a guilty plea, but authorities have been unable to lay formal charges against the astronaut, since there are no militiamen on board.
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