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Today's paper. Last Updated: 05/30/2012

Armageddon Now, Maybe

I don't know if everyone is aware of it, but the end of the world was predicted for today, Wednesday, Oct. 28, by some very trustworthy South Korean Christian Scientists. The information that there will be no life after this fatal Wednesday has spread so widely and become so popular among the native population that many national and local newspapers have had to come up with comments and explanations on the Second Coming.


Since these days accusing Christian prophets of cheating or inaccuracy is almost as impossible as suggesting 10 years ago that Marx was wrong, most of the comments were like, "Sure, something is definitely happening in the heavens on this day, some kind of Armageddon or other major shake-up at God Almighty's office, but don't worry folks, it won't affect your lives immediately, so you can live a little longer".


I bet that for many in this country this soothing news may come as a disappointment: They already expect nothing from this life, and the idea that they would not go down the drain alone, but with the whole world, including Boris Yeltsin, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the owner of the local commercial shop, looked very appealing. Sorry, comrades, you'll have to wait for this, too. I wonder what will happen first -- the much promised resurrection of Russia or Judgment Day?


An overture to the Apocalypse took place Saturday in Oktyabrskaya Square, when thousands of rednecked, red-faced and red-bannered Muscovites, led by "working Moscow" activists, got together around the Lenin monument to curse the "capitalist" authorities. Judging by faces in the crowd, I'd call them unfortunate parasites rather than workers of Moscow, because the real workers of Moscow never waste time on Saturdays -- they sell, buy and resell in endless street markets.


However, I find nothing shocking in the red rallies. No one would argue with the fact that 95 percent of this country's citizenry used to live better and feel much more secure under red banners and Lenin posters. It is only


natural to want to go back to the good old days -- and hopeless as well. To me, commie addicts are somehow reminiscent of Britain's 19th century Lud-dites, whose stand was pretty dull, but strictly logical nevertheless. One big difference, however, is that the Lud-dites fought machines, while the Russian red and brown groups are targeting people.





New social and economic circumstances have significantly affected the life of pet animals in the city of Moscow. Even superficial observations show some obvious changes.


First, there are far fewer small dogs, but many more huge dogs -- which means that in choosing between saving on meat and providing oneself with greater security, those who can afford it choose the latter.


Second, there are fewer cats around. My mother, who is retired, says she spends about one quarter of her pension on cat food -- and that's to feed just one pet, named Leopold, who is not especially demanding. Many. other cat owners, I think, make their animals self-supporting, thus teaching them cruel market-style habits.


Some inconvenient animals have become extremely popular because of their practical qualities. Many families now keep hens at home. Last winter on television they told a touching story about a pig named Masha: She was bought as a small piglet to be served for New Year's dinner, but the kids liked her so much that she became a member of the family. Since then there has been no news about Masha on Channel One, which is not a good sign.


The latest craze in urban farming is goats. They are said to be undemanding and give fine milk. The goat's size doesn't seem to bother their owners -- but getting grass this winter may be a problem. Nutria are a novelty item -- I have heard of people who breed them in bathrooms and sell the fur.


So far animals have been living with us for fun, security, food and money, but the gasoline crisis is likely to produce a new twist in human/animal relations: I would not be surprised if there were soon horses in the streets of Moscow. Camels, if they could stand the climate, would be especially appropriate, considering their ability to go a long time without food. I wouldn't mind, really -- let's go green, even if it's forced on us!




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