As any Bulgakoved -- a lover and expert of all things Bulgakov -- would know, an unnamed kiosk vendor briefly appears in the opening pages of "The Master and Margarita." Her only function in the novel is to sell Berlioz the apricot juice that makes him hiccup, causing him to sit down on a bench by Patriarch's Ponds, where he is soon beheaded by the devil.

But "Zina," as performed by the "BU..." theater troupe, becomes so much more: a garrulous, frank and batty Ukrainian simpleton dressed in a cartoonish saleswoman's outfit.

"A g'head has fallen in front of a trolley car!" she shouts in a thick Ukrainian accent, as she leads several dozen amused audience members down the Garden Ring.

Every Friday night at 10 p.m., "BU..." runs theatrical excursions based on Mikhail Bulgakov's masterpiece novel, which take groups of the Bulgakov-inclined for a two-hour walk around the neighborhood.

The excursion begins at the Bulgakov House on Triumfalnaya Ploshchad, where Zina, never breaking character, sells apricot juice at the 1930s-adjusted price of 5 kopeks a glass. The avant-garde poet Ivan Bezdomny, a principal character of "The Master and Margarita," interrupts the start of the excursion to recite some of his outrageous verse and then lies down on the floor in melodramatic artistic depression.

But every Friday night, you can expect a different excursion, with different actors playing different characters in different scenarios related to the novel, explains Yekaterina Negrutsa, director of "BU..." Every excursion, however, makes sure to stop by Patriarch's Ponds, the setting of the decapitation of Berlioz in the novel's first chapter.

"We embrace all the novel's rich detail and reinvent the novel in the locations it describes," Negrutsa explained.

The excursion is more of an educational tour with frequent dramatized interruptions than a straight theatrical interpretation of Bulgakov's most famous work. Expect to learn all the gossipy details of Bulgakov's frayed relations with other literary giants of his day or which bench at Patriarch's Ponds was the location of Bezdomny and Berlioz's ignominious meeting with Woland.

For those more strictly interested in facts, the Bulgakov House runs several other options for excursions that take groups to almost every location described in the novel. The dubiously named "Romantic Evening Stroll" lasts from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m., and similar excursions are also offered in the afternoon. Other options include tours of the historical Arbat district or of "Silver Age Moscow" -- the literary world of Tsvetayeva, Blok and Mayakovsky.

But if you wish to be accused of collaboration with the devil, make sure to attend Friday night's theatrical excursion.

"You're one with him, you're on his side!" a frazzled, black-eyed Bezdomny screams at a baffled audience.

The Bulgakov House is a special treasure in the heart of Moscow. Boasting a fat black cat named Behemoth, a bard-in-residence, an Old World-style cafe, late-night open hours and continuously running videos of Bulgakov-based film and theater adaptations, the excursions form just one of the museum's unorthodox activities.

Anything less would not befit a nonconformist, satirical and elusive writer like Mikhail Bulgakov.

"Bulgakov made me believe in God," said Irina, a middle-aged woman on a recent excursion. "Everything is fated, including our presence on this tour."

The Bulgakov House's theatrical excursions offer a more intense educational experience than the dry fruit of most of Moscow's literary museums. Only true Bulgakovedy are advised to participate.

Spots in a Bulgakov Moscow excursion should be reserved in advance by telephone, at 970-06-19. Prices range from 200 to 650 rubles per person; the theatrical excursion costs 450 rubles. Excursions can be arranged in English, French or German, but the theatrical excursions are only available in the original.