?????????????†?°: the small of the back, lower back
I decided to get a jump on that wonderful spring ailment — crippling back pain caused by overly enthusiastic gardening — by doing some overly enthusiastic household painting. After a few hours hunched over with a paintbrush, I stood up and realized I couldn’t move. But let’s look on the bright side: ???µ?‚ ?…?????° ?±?µ?· ?????±?€?° (every cloud has a silver lining). The benefits of this are many. First, my back will be back in great shape by next month when I’m an idiot at the dacha doing seasonal cleanup. Second, you’ll have a medical primer for discussing your back pain when you’re a spring idiot. And third, the pain in my back keeps me from thinking about the other heartbreaking events of the week.
So back to my aching back and the fascinating subject of comparative medicine.
Before you complain to your significant other, you need to be able to pinpoint what hurts. You can say: ?? ???µ???? ?±???»?? ?? ?????????µ or ?????? ?????????° ?±???»???‚ (my back hurts), but a short anatomy lesson will make diagnosis easier. Your back is ?????????°, but your spine is ?????·?????????‡??????; it may be helpful to know that ?????·?????????? is an individual vertebra. Depending on your particular brand of overexertion, you might complain about pain up top — ???»?µ?‡?? (shoulder), ?»?????°?‚???° (shoulder blade); on the side (?±????); or below — ?????????????†?° (lower back, small of the back); ?±?µ???€?? (hip) or more properly ?±?µ???€?µ?????‹?? ???????‚?°?? (literally, “thigh or hip joint”).
Then you need to develop your vocabulary of pain: ?€?????‰???? (tearing); ?????»???????€?????‰???? (pulsing); ???€?????°?»?‹???°???‰???? (piercing); or ???€?????‚?€?µ?»?????°???‰???? (shooting). And you need to describe what you cannot do: ???µ ???????? ???????????‚?????? (I can’t bend over); ???µ ???????? ?€?°?·?????????‚?????? (I can’t straighten up.)
You will probably sigh “I pulled some muscles” (?? ?€?°???‚???????» ???‹???†?‹) and reach for a couple of pain relievers and a hot pack. But when it comes to friend and family diagnoses and treatment, things get culturally interesting. ?
The first diagnosis you hear is likely to be ?€?°?????????»???‚, which dictionaries translate unhelpfully as radiculitis, a word I never use and that sounds disconcertingly like a Harry Potter spell. It turns out that this is more commonly called “radicular pain” and that the most common form of it is sciatica. This particular form of back pain torture is ???????°?? in Russian. ?
Other folk diagnosticians will suggest the dire ?????‚?µ???…???????€???· (degenerative disc disease); the festive-sounding ?»?????±?°???? (lumbago, which is just “lower back pain”); the mysterious-sounding ???‚?»???¶?µ?????µ ?????»?µ??, which sounds like “salt deposits” but is actually gout; or the terrifying ???€?‹?¶?° ???µ?¶?????·?????????‡???????? ?????????° (herniated disc). At this point, you will be mentally exchanging your hot bath with Epsom salt for a hospital bed and surgery.
But no. Despite the dire diagnoses, your friendly family physicians will suggest folk remedies. Over-the-counter pain relievers won’t cut the mustard, but ?????€?‡???‡???????? (mustard plasters) might be recommended along with ?‚?‘???»?°?? ???€?µ?»???° (heating pad) or ???µ?????‡?µ?? ?? ???°???€?µ?‚?‹?? ???µ???????? (heated sand pack). Alternatively, you might be advised to apply ?»?‘?? (ice).You will also be advised to pile on ?????????€?µ?????‹ (compresses) or ???°?‚?µ?€?µ?‚?? ?????????? ?€?°?·?????€?µ???°???‰?µ?? ???°?·???? ???»?? ???????€?‚???? (rub your back with a heat rub or alcohol). And you will probably be forced to drink a variety of ???°???‚???????? (tinctures) made with foul-tasting herbs.
At this point, you will be sputtering about a simple pulled muscle, but take it from me: Resistance is useless. Let them fuss. The compress might stink, but it’s made with love.
Michele A. Berdy is a Moscow-based translator and interpreter.
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