Why a Cheating Heart Is No Sin for Russians

Love, and all of its various essential components -- sex, romance, weddings, division of household chores -- is one of the ripest topics this particular column has for the picking. And yet one fears to tread. It begins so innocently, with aimless walks and stolen kisses in the metro. Regular meeting-places and daily telephone calls. Dinner with the parents and talks about future plans. Next thing you know, you're marching out of the marriage bureau and starting a family. And then everyone gets cynical and starts having affairs. Which leads to the point: If you've got a cheating heart, you've come to the right place. No one looks kindly on those who tamper with the sanctity of a serious relationship, but in Russia the scorn is mild indeed. As with fledgling democratic reform, Russians seem to know that fidelity might sound good on paper, but that in reality, life is dull enough without an occasional lapse in propriety. Husbands can stay out all night without excuses. Wives can take extended trips to the dacha. They love each other, and questions of divorce aren't even usually an issue. Whatever one or the other is up to, it seems, if it makes them any more cheerful while they are at home, it is probably not worth worrying about. This is of course a mass generalization to which many people would not subscribe. But affair-mongering here has nearly none of the neon-lit stigma that it does in more straitlaced parts of the West. Anyone who has seen morality movies like "Fatal Attraction" swore off sin at home but just can't picture the same happening in Russia: How many higher-income, insanely jealous single women with their own apartments can there be here, anyway? Anyone you know here over the age of 20 is probably married or divorced, and children are a distinct possibility. Money, pregnancy, convenience; whatever convinces Russian couples to marry so young, it's not always what five-star relationships are made of. Marrying early, many Russians turn their natural right to sow wild oats into a post-nuptial pursuit, and seemingly with the implied consent of those around them. Commitment in certain other parts of the world is a walk into the lion's den: Even if your mate is easy-going, chances are the financial ar-rangements and legal documents in-volved are not. People look long and hard before they leap. Not to say affairs happen any less frequently in the West -- they're just a lot more secretive and agonizing and (usually) middle-aged. One wouldn't ever wish to propound such indiscretion, of course, even if it has been the subject of some of the greatest literature around. Russians may turn the occasional blind eye on adultery now, but look at Anna Karenina: Some historical precedents probably don't bear repeating.