By the time titles had been doled out to Miss Lemon's Car Dealership, Miss Press and Miss Party of the Majority, the audience was halfway to the coatroom and had trouble working up much enthusiasm for Miss Moscow.


With Miss Moscow '95, organizers tried to edge closer to the elusive "international beauty pageant standard" that has been driving them since the city held its first pageant in 1987. This meant, among other things, letting corporate sponsors give prizes to their favorites -- a time-consuming, if profitable, strategy. When the new overall winner finally emerged in the ceremonial chartreuse lam?, suspense had dissipated to the point where one girl looked about as pretty as the next. People were checking their watches.


Unfazed by the mass exodus, 16-year-old Anna Menshikova hoisted up her hoop skirt and made her way around complimentary appliances with a tremulous smile. She stooped to be kissed by the mayor and beamed out at classmates in the audience. Miss Moscow '94, Yekaterina Shidlovskaya, surrendered the crown with consummate grace and went home to study for a marketing exam.


"I'd have to say that my most important gains were spiritual," mused Shidlovskaya, 18, when asked about her year as the city's reigning beauty. "I got to see new parts of the world. I became a much stronger person. And I didn't lose my old friends. That's the most important thing."


And what about the show itself -- a four-hour extravaganza that left the audience slumped in their seats, lights from a disco ball playing over their faces? Did they really call in a technician to turn down the voltage on the applause meter? Could you believe the hostess oafishly read the wrong list in the semifinals? "Well," said Shidlovskaya, with a smile that looked like it would have to be sanded off in the morning. "It was better than last year."


For the second year running, the judges' decision provoked suspicions of foul play among the audience. In a repeat of last year's Yekaterina Shid-lovskaya-Anna Zaitseva controversy, many viewers were perplexed when favorite Yelena Basina was shut out by the blonder, perkier Menshikova.


"Of course, it's not my decision, but as far as I'm concerned, they gave it to the wrong girl. There's no way this was totally honest," said electrical engineer Marina Pisireva, nodding darkly. "Someone paid someone."


By comparison with Western pageants, Miss Moscow made few concessions to G-rated respectability, and large chunks of the show fell well outside of the range of family entertainment. The swimsuit competition, for instance, was near the beginning of the show, so all 20 semifinalists danced provocatively for the audience, wearing minimal bathing suits, stiletto heels and big round number tags around their wrists.


Although most of the audience saw nothing to dislike in the pageant ("Offensive?" several responded. "You mean to the girls who don't win?"), a few displayed more delicate sensibilities. Bela Kurashvili, Yulia Buratinskaya and Veronika Romashova were lighting up in the ladies' room. The three professed themselves entirely disgusted with the proceedings.


"It's awful, isn't it?" said Buratinskaya, 25, a housewife. "Totally unprofessional," agreed Romashova, 28, a teacher. "We have some beautiful women in this country. But they need a little help. Those costumes are the ugliest things I ever saw."


"Nineteen is all right," ventured Kurashvili, 29, a nurse. "What are you talking about?" said Buratinskaya, fixing her friend with a pitying look. "She's nothing out of the ordinary. And did you get a look at that double chin?"