For some reason, I am entirely convinced that in the depths of the country surrounding Moscow not even the most backward of great bears will vote for either the Communists or the Nazis (one should not feed the "iron hand" but only pull out its thorn). Therefore, there is no reason for Muscovites to agitate against the reds and brownshirts who have been circling about Moscow like falling leaves in November. It is better to talk about shoes, ships, sealing wax, cabbages and kings. That is to say, about those blocs that are considered to be decent. Although they also resemble the dishes that are served up at what might be called the Repugnance Restaurant.


1. Here is the first course: Inedible, oversalted soup. Boris Fyodorov with his Forward, Russia! He is, you see, neither on the left nor on the right, but normal. Remember what Mercutio said about the Capulets and Montagues: "A plague on both your houses." And somehow he was killed. In a country which is either leaning toward the left -- whether under the wing of General Alexander Lebed's nationalist Congress of Russian Communities, between the tail of Communist Party leader Gennady Zyuganov or in the paws of ultranationalist leader Vladimir Zhirinovsky -- or toward the right -- under the democrats and liberals striving to follow the Western path toward pure and simple capitalism -- Fydorov wants to remain in the middle. But if one takes account of history, there has never been a golden mean in Russia. First, the kulaks, successful rich peasants after the Russian Civil War, were cleared away, then peasants of average means, then the impoverished henchmen of the kulaks. Fyodorov would also like once again to hoist the Russian three-color flag over Grozny, for which read in the future the Tatar capital of Kazan. Although neither tanks, nor planes, nor the army has yet managed to save the country from the consequences of raising the first flag over the palace of Chechen rebel leader Dzhokar Dudayev.


Ivan the Terrible also tried to take Kazan. But he did this in the 16th century when such stupidities were quite normal. If Kazan were conquered in 1996, it is unlikely that the people would build a monument like the Kazan Cathedral in honor of Fyodorov: They would more likely set up a spittoon. Moreover, the fearless political leader is ready to sacrifice 100 Russian youths for one Chechen patriot. I hope that the Committee of Soldiers' Mothers would want to scratch out the eyes of the leader of Forward, Russia! for such a proposition.


2. Second course: Whipped cream, turned sour. The republican bloc Lysensko-Gurov-Panfilova. Neither a tasteful nor colorful bloc. Let us take a bit from the liberal party Yabloko and add to it a pinch of another liberal party, Russia's Democratic Choice, and make a cocktail out of them. Add to it a struggle with crime. Why did Vladimir Lysenko desert Yabloko party head Grigory Yavlinsky? Yavlinksy prevented him from coming to an agreement with the Communists and from signing up with Zhirinovsky's people, as he is wont to do. And who will vote for Vladimir Lysenko? Those who are for the democratic platform of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union?


What can be said about Ella Pamfilova except that she is a treasure. But a party program cannot be made up entirely from the issue of social welfare. Where will the money come from when the reforms she proposes are put in place? From the cupboard? She is convinced that any party that comes to power can put in place a system of social welfare.


3. Third course: Peacock with appendicitis. The party of self-governing working people of Svyatoslav Fyodorov. In 1993, he proposed some nonsense about coming to terms with the Supreme Soviet right up until Oct. 4, 1993. He wanted to apply his experience as a surgeon to the entire country according to the formula: "Hold your head up bravely/ Fourier called to the people. Let's divide/ Into phalansteries and toil in friendship/ In a common circle for the common good." Notwithstanding his ophthalmological expertise, one could say that the blind are leading the blind.


4. Fourth course: Partridge with rheumatism. Yabloko. Yavlinsky, who feels sympathy with the people, suggests that it is possible to swallow the ongoing reforms without feeling any pain. In October 1993, he got cold feet and saved himself. Now he expects Yegor Gaidar to say he is sorry for his bravery. And he criticizes him for his reforms, which is dishonest and not good.


And all these blocs are pushing and shoving each other to serve up their unpalatable dishes and stepping on the toes of the honest and bright Gaidar with his Democratic Russia's Choice party and the brave and smart Konstantin Borovoi with his Party of Economic Freedom whose chastushki, or four-line campaign ditties, guarantee that he will be the first to get a bullet in the head should there be a communist restoration. (Borovoi is coming up against the pitchfork, the pickax and the bayonet.) Russia's Choice and the Party of Economic Freedom are trying to save the country, and the rest are out to bag their prey. Well, Grigory Yavlinsky, Vladimir Lukin and the human rights defender Valery Borshchev deserve to be in the State Duma. But I am afraid that other Yabloko candidates on the election rolls will fall rather far from the Yabloko center.


Horses are galloping, torches are lit, the eyes of the wild animals are gleaming. The wild hunt of the mock-democrats, mock-reformers, mock-populists will be pursued until the Dec. 17 elections. When the Red dinosaur of the chalky Soviet period shows itself, then we shall see what people are worth, who will put up a fight, who will faint, who will get down on their knees, who will flee abroad. In December, chickens will be counted.





Valeriya Novodvorskaya, imprisoned several times for her dissident activities during the Soviet period, is the leader of the Democratic Union. She contributed this comment to The Moscow Times.