Second of two parts.


So now we know exactly what goes on in the women's half of Moscow's banyas (what a waste of sour cream and coffee grounds), and as a service to all our male readers it is time to redress the balance. What do the three banyas, Sandunovsky, Teterinsky and Krasnopresnensky, offer their male clientele?


In fact, there were few discernible differences between the male banyas and the female baths outlined in these pages last week: Sandunovsky is exotic and expensive; Teterinsky, cheap and cheerful; and Krasnopresnensky, practical and proud.


But a banya review needs the man's point of view if only to answer a couple of important questions. Is it true that they all sit around in there wrapped in spartan sheets, downing vodka in bawdy fashion? Is it really like that famous scene in the popular Soviet film, "Ironiya Sudby," (Irony of Fate) where the four heroes get so drunk in a Moscow banya that one of them mistakenly ends up on a flight to Leningrad?


Our willing victim set off to find out if this was true -- if the genuine banya muzhik, or "real man," with birch branch in one hand and bottle in the other, really does exist.


The first port of call was the Sandunovsky banya, with its Turkish feel and dark, sober decor that makes you forget what time of day or year it is outside.


Inside, the men's facility looks like it has seen better days, as do most of its patrons. No one is prudish here, and to make us all feel better there are heaving rolls of flesh on view everywhere. There must be some equation here: those who can afford the steep 25,000 ruble (about $12.50) entrance fee must logically be those who could afford last night's creme caramel.


The Sandunovsky offers three different levels for the discerning banya-goer, but the only real difference between paying 10,000 rubles for "level 1" and 25,000 for the third "lux" level is the size of the swimming pool. Admittedly, it is refreshing after a banya to take a cool dip in something larger than a bucket, and the pool, with its classical colonnades and vaulted ceiling, was probably impressive once upon a time before the water turned yellow and the statues started peeling.


Needless to say there are no film-like scenes of unbridled hilarity and excessive inebriation here. No one looks as if they're about to end up on an airplane they shouldn't. The only film you might imagine here is a budget remake of "Julius Caesar."


Elsewhere, flanking the main chamber with its aloof attendants and somewhat suspect booths, is a buffet that sells the usual kiosk fare at the usual kiosk prices, and a large rest room with two billiard tables and a sparse set of weights.


And yet the Sandunovsky does boast a decent hot room. Large enough for it not to make a difference when the door is opened, and hot enough so you cannot sit down without a sheet (available for 3,000 rubles), the room swims in the all-pervading smell of birch leaves in action and swelters under a heat so intense that you wobble woozily on your way out.


The quest for the genuine banya muzhik continued at the Teterinsky baths -- the cheap and cheerful proletarian offering, where the dip pool is green and the banya so hot that your eyelashes singe while your palms shrivel up. And that is before the guy with the hat and gloves ladles scented water into the seething oven.


Here the clientele is much more down-to-earth, still plenty of proud bellies on view (blowing the creme-caramel theory out of the water) and beverages everywhere: cola, beer (for sale) and even a thermos flask of tea. But do not look for stereotypes doing the banya thing and putting away the Stolichnaya here. It is just too hot to contemplate drinking alcohol, and most of the patrons float around the wash room in silly hats trying to summon up the resilience for another scorching session inside.


So wearily our willing victim traipsed along to the third venue, the Krasnopresnensky baths, which is cleaner than Teterinsky and more sociable than Sandunovsky. It also boasts the best plunge pool in town as well as a dry sauna that may suit those not used to the tremendous heat of the banya.


And there at last they are, hidden away in a private room around a table groaning with zakuski, or appetizers, and various ominous-looking bottles. The clink of glasses and that unmistakable odor gives them away, and despite (or perhaps because of) a considerable number of toasts, these genuine banya muzhiki can still last longer in the hot room than our willing victim, who by now is beginning to look a little bit like a dried prune.


But then, none of them had visited three banyas in two days.





?Sandunovsky: 14 Neglinnaya Ulitsa, 925-4631. Open 8 A.M. until 10 P.M., cashier closes at 8 P.M.; A two-hour session at the lux banya, complete with exercise room, is 25,000 rubles (renting private booths and linens is extra); the "plain" banya downstairs is 10,000. Additional services available: full-body massage. Private bathing facilities for up to six may be ordered in advance for 150,000 rubles per hour. Closed Tuesday.





?Krasnopresnensky: Stolyarny Pereulok 7, 255-5306. Open 8 A.M. until 10 P.M., cashier closes at 8 P.M.; A two-hour session, complete with dry sauna, steam sauna and plunge pool, is 15,000 rubles. Additional services available: full-body massage. Private bathing facilities for up to six may be ordered in advance for 80,000 rubles per hour. Closed Monday.





?Teterinsky: Teterinsky Pereulok 4/8 (near metro Taganskaya), 915-2760. Open 8 A.M. till 8 P.M. A two-hour session is 3,600 rubles. No additional services. Closed Monday.