Here we are at the All-Star break, and with half of the 1994 campaign complete, we have learned one thing about major league baseball: It stinks.


Sure, Ohioans can cheer because both their teams are in first place, and it is great that in Quebec les


Expos sont magnifique. Up in Seattle, Ken Griffey Junior is only 28 homers away from tying Roger Maris' single season mark, which means there might be thrills at the Kingdome after Aug. 1 for a change.


Otherwise, though, drear prevails between the foul lines these days. Too much whining, too many brawls, too many divisions. And -- too few Brazilian soccer fans.


Here, then, are five reasons why baseball as we know it reeks.


?Realignment. Although it is true that watching the Indians, White Sox, Yankees and Orioles jockey for position down the stretch will be satisfying, there is no excuse for the American League West. The Rangers are three games under .500, but they are in first place -- by three games, no less. They will make the playoffs, yet some good team such as the Yankees or White Sox may not. If the divisions had not been restructured, the Rangers would be 10 1/2 games behind Chicago, and in fourth place. In other words, where they belong.


For the way the standings would look if the divisions had not been realigned, see below.


We would have two compelling division races and two duds, but who cares?


?The I-don't-wanna-play-anymore syndrome. In June, the Cubs' delightful second baseman Ryne Sandberg decided that he wasn't bringing his heart to the ballpark every day, so he retired. Just like that. He might have had another 1,000 hits in him, but heart? None left.


Giants' pitching prospect Salomon Torres, who has had a rough first half, also threw in the towel at one point this season. Torres decided to suit up again. But who will replace Ryno in the big star category? Darryl Strawberry, of course, who has made a comeback with the Giants. What joy.


?The pitching. Awful. Horrible. Loathsome. The National League's earned run average is well over four, and the AL's is comparable to the Richter scale magnitude of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.


More than half of the pitchers employed in the majors have been traded or released in their careers.


?Absurd uniform changes. Ugly outfits are what made the Astros the Astros, and now they have snappy black and white get-ups with a computer-generated leaning star on the cap. The Reds look like jockeys.


?The impending strike. Multiple choice question: What is a salary cap?


a) Something you put on your head when you collectively bargain.


b) The top of a poisonous mushroom.


c) What the leader of the Tour de France wears.


d) What may cause the baseball season to end in August.


That's right, apparently the owners want salary caps and the players do not.


"There will be peace in the Middle East before the players accept a salary cap," Van Slyke added.


And silence at Fenway and Wrigley and Camden Yards. Come on guys. Baseball doesn't stink that much.