It's no accident that Russia's parliament bears such a striking resemblance to the Congress of the United States. "We used the American system as our model," explained Fedor Burlatsky, one of the designers of the first post-Soviet legislature. "Your politicians would be right at home here."


Of course, that assumes they come trained in hand-to-hand combat and armed to the teeth.


While members of America's Congress argued recently over which weapons to include in a controversial anti-crime law, their Russian counterparts were busy deciding which ones they should bring to work. In fact, the legislature firepower got so heavy at one point that Duma Speaker Ivan Rybkin warned members if they did not disarm voluntarily they might have to pass through metal detectors before taking their appointed seats.


But Russians hardly have a monopoly on unruly politicians. With congressional elections coming up in November, a half-dozen U.S. lawmakers are under indictment on criminal charges ranging from child pornography to accepting bribes. No wonder Americans have grown as cynical as Russians about politics. Over the years, however, voters have shown a remarkable tendency to keep electing some of the worst offenders.


Experts call this phenomenon the "theory of political relativity." In layman's terms that simply means that conduct bad enough to cause the loss of an election in one part of the United States can have an equal and opposite effect in another part.


Consider the House of Representatives banking scandal a few years ago in which 105 members of Congress wrote millions of dollars in bad checks. Other lawmakers involved begged forgiveness, but Texas Representative Charles Wilson (81 bounced checks) proudly proclaimed that the folks back home expected him to get in trouble. Apparently, he was right. A year later Texas voters returned Wilson to Congress for an eleventh term and presumably more of the same.


Part of the fun of politics in America is waiting for politicians to misbehave. But that is also part of the problem. The current definition of misbehavior depends on such a wide range of complex variables that the whole concept of wrongdoing can change from one elected official to the next.


That is what happened when congressmen Dan Crane and Gerry Studds were both caught having sex with capital pages -- those bright, idealistic teenage messengers hired to run errands for members of Congress. The difference was that Crane had sex with a girl. Studds had sex with a boy. The resulting fallout provides a perfect example of "political relativity" in action. Voters in Crane's Illinois district were incensed, and he was forced to resign. But Studd's Massachusetts constituents saw nothing to get that upset about, and he's been re-elected ever since.


As the outrageous has become ordinary in U.S. politics, it is not only harder to identify certain political scandals, the growing popularity of legal plea bargains, drug rehab and other evasive maneuvers has actually made the grossest transgressions seem like business as usual.


Just the same, the 1990s could go down as the most lawless decade official Washington has seen in a long time. So far five senators have been implicated in a savings-and-loan scam; Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts was caught employing a male prostitute; Representative Donald Lukens from Ohio went to jail for contributing to the delinquency of a female minor; and Representative Dan Rostenkowski of Illinois, one of the most powerful figures on the Hill, was charged with kickbacks and witness tampering. Other have been indicted or convicted of bribery, fraud and embezzlement.


The raw numbers tell an even more arresting story. Since 1900, over 25 senators and congressmen have served jail sentences. That compares with a grand total of one legislative-branch jailbird during the entire previous history of the United States. The 1980s saw nine lawmakers go to prison. The 1990s have produced 1.5 congressional convicts per year. These days, when people on Capitol Hill talk about term limits, you have to wonder if they mean time spent in office or time behind bars.


What is it about Washington that turns ordinary guys in mustard-colored sportscoats and matching shoes into venal, sex-crazed congressmen? Having more power and prestige than most of them ever dreamed of probably has something to do with it, as evidenced by the fact that the city has the same effect on women. Let's not forget former Representative Mary Rose Okar of Ohio who kept a close companion on her House payroll for over a year after the woman moved to New York.


Scandal can occur wherever there are politicians, and since Washington is crawling with them, who knows when the next one will get caught?


"Follow me around. I don't care," said Gary Hart in what had to be the most self-destructive invitation ever made by an American political candidate. Shortly afterward, reporters who accepted the challenge found Hart shacked up with a blonde model while his wife was out of town.


It's not power that corrupts, it's all the temptations that come with it, and no place in America offers more temptations than Washington.


But the recent mother lode of lousy U.S. lawmakers raises two questions: Why do American voters keep electing such incredible slimebags, and what would everyone do for entertainment without them?


Maybe metal detectors will help identify safe and sane legislators in Russia, but in America it will take more than that to keep troublemakers off Capitol Hill. Besides, only one member of Congress has ever been shot dead, and that happened way back in 1906 when a randy senator from Utah was gunned down by a jealous mistress.





Bill Thomas' latest book, "Club Fed: Power, Money, Sex and Violence on Capitol Hill" will be published this month. He contributed this comment to The Moscow Times.