If that was Tuesday, it must have been Boris. Or maybe it was Nelson Mandela, or Shimon Peres, or was it the Chinese or the Japanese foreign minister or maybe even that guy from the Irish Republican Army? Whoops -- we didn't meet him: The Irishman only got a phone call.


It gets confusing in the White House when elections roll around, and half the world's leaders are expected to strut their stuff upon President Bill Clinton's stage. There are fewer than seven weeks to go before the mid-term Congressional elections, and President Clinton has a foreign policy reputation to build.


Doubtless President Boris Yeltsin was informed by his diplomats in the United States that he was not getting a real summit, but only a 48-hour walk-on part in the latest production of "The Comeback Kid: Bill Clinton Rides Again."


Hence the crush of dignitaries in the White House hallways these days. And hence also the presence of some 20,000 U.S. troops in Haiti. And hence yet again some populist brinkmanship over a trade war with Japan. Cynicism is becoming unavoidable as Bill Clinton milks every available opportunity to persuade a skeptical public that his foreign policy can boast some successes.


Last week saw the third White House lawn ceremony to mark the Middle East peace process. There was the genuinely historic handshake between Yasser Arafat and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. Then came the rather less historic handshake between Rabin and King Hussein of Jordan. This week, we had the even lower-key handshake between Shimon Peres and Jordan's Crown Prince Hussein as they agreed to talk about sharing the water of the River Jordan.


But Clinton needs every photo-op he can get. Health reform, the centerpiece of his domestic agenda, is dead in Congress. And a devastating defeat seems to loom for the Democratic Party in November. Control of the Senate looks almost lost, and for the first time in 40 years, the Democrats could even lose their majority in the House of Representatives.


On the domestic front, Clinton has little to campaign on. So in spite of the humiliating memories of Clinton indecision in Somalia and Bosnia and Haiti, the White House is seeking to trumpet its record in foreign affairs.


The question is why do other foreign leaders go along with this, when Clinton has so little to offer? Boris Yeltsin knew that U.S. official aid was dropping from $2.5 billion last year to $850 million this year. The Northern Irish have been told "we just don't have the budgetary flexibility" to fulfil those airy promises of U.S. aid for the peace process.


The answer seems to be a kind of conspiracy of mutual dependence among political leaders who are all worried about their domestic support, but can all agree to gather and pretend that they are all emperors wearing full sets of clothes.


Even Yeltsin was on his best behavior. Unlike the ceremony in Berlin, where he grabbed the conductor's baton to lead the band in a tipsy chorus, Yeltsin in Washington did a reasonable imitation of a sober, responsible leader on a state visit.


The problem is that few Americans seem convinced that the Clintons are fitting leads on the world stage. As Jay Leno, the late-night television comic put it, "Hey, spare a thought for Boris -- two evenings with Hillary Clinton would sober anybody up fast."