?—?°???€?µ?‚: ban
Scene: an office in Moscow, some time in the future when the law banning use of foreign words in Russian has finally passed. An expat manager is preparing a speech to the city Duma with the help of a Russian coworker. It is not going well.
Expat (E): ?????µ??, ?€?µ?‡?? ???°?‡?????°?µ?‚???? (Okay, the speech begins.)
Russian Coworker (RC): ???‚????! ???????°?????… ?????µ?µ??! ?—?°?±?‹?‚?? ???€?? ?????µ??! ?????°?¶?? "?»?°??????," ???»?? "???‚?°?? …" (Stop! No okays. Forget "okay!" Say: "All right," or "and so …")
E (frowning, frustrated): ?”?°???‹ ?? ?????????????°! (Ladies and gentlemen!)
RC: ???‚????! ?”?°???‹ — ???‚?? ???????µ?‡???? ?? ?„?€?°???†???·?????????? … ?? ???????±?‰?µ ???µ ?????¶????. "?“???????????°" ???·???°?‡?°?µ?‚ ?? ?¶?µ???‰?????‹ ?? ?????¶?‡?????‹. (Stop! The word ???°???° is of course from the French … and it's not needed anyway. ?“???????????° means both men and women.)
?• (taking a long, calming breath): ?????°?¶?°?µ???‹?µ ?????????????°, ???µ?????‚?°?‚?‹ … (Esteemed ladies and gentlemen, deputies …)
RC: ?????????¶????. (Wait a sec.) ?”?µ?????‚?°?‚ ???‚ ?????·?????µ?»?°?‚?????????????? deputatus, ???·???°?‡?°?µ?‚ "???????»?????????‡?µ?????‹??." (Deputy is from the late Latin deputatus, which means a "representative.")
Muttering, the Russian coworker suddenly dashes from the room. The Expat looks out the window and wonders if it's too late to request a transfer to Prague. After a few minutes, the coworker rushes back in, brandishing an old edition of Dal's colossal dictionary.
RC (triumphantly): ?“?»?°?????‹?µ! ?????? ???°?·?‹???°???‚???? ???»?°?????‹????! (?“?»?°?????‹?µ! They're called ???»?°?????‹?µ!)
The Expat knows only one meaning of the word ???»?°?????‹??.
E (snorting with laughter): ???‹ ???????‚???», ?‡?‚?? ?»???? "?????°?¶?°?µ???‹?µ ???»?°?????‹?µ ?? ???????»?°?????‹?µ! ?›???±?????‹?µ ???»?°?????»?‹! ?”?€???·????-?????‰?µ???‚?????‚?µ?»?????‹?µ! (Have you lost your mind? "Esteemed vowels and consonants! Beloved verbs! Our dear noun friends!")
RC (exasperated): ???µ ?????µ??????! ?“?»?°?????‹?? — ???‚?? ???‚?°?€???µ ?€???????????µ ???»??????. ???·???°?‡?°?µ?‚ ?‡?»?µ?? ?????€???????????? ?”?????‹. (That's not funny! ?“?»?°?????‹?? is an old Russian word that means a member of the city Duma.)
E: ?? ???€?????µ ?‚?µ?±??, ???‚??-?????±?????? ?·???°?µ?‚ ???‚?? ???»??????? (Other than you, does anyone know that word?)
RC (seeing the point, but reluctant to give in): ???? ???°. ???‚??-?????±??????. ???°???µ?€???????°. ?? ?‚?°?? ???????°??. (Well, yeah. Someone. For sure. I think so.)
E: ???? ?????‹???» ?·?°???????° ?‚?°??????: ?“???????€???‚?? ?????????‚???‹?? ?????µ?? ???·?‹??????. ???????‚?? ???µ ?????????‘?‚, ?‡?‚?? ?‚?°?????µ ???»?°?????‹?µ. ?•?‰?µ ???±???????‚????! (But the point of the law is this — to speak in a language everyone understands. No one will understand what a ???»?°?????‹?? is. In fact, they'll be offended!)
RC: ???‹ ?µ?‰?µ ???????????°?µ??. ?”?°?»?????µ? (We'll think about it. What comes next?)
E: ???°???° ?„???€???° … ???µ?‚. ???°???° ?????????°?????? … ???µ?‚. ???°???µ ???€?µ?????€?????‚???µ! ???°???µ ???€?µ?????€?????‚???µ ?€?°?±???‚?°?µ?‚ ???° ?€?????????????????? ?€?‹?????µ ???¶?µ ???µ???? ?»?µ?‚, ???€?µ???????‚?°???»???? ?€?????????????????? ?±???·???µ???°?? — ???µ?‚! ???€?µ?????€?????‚?????? … (Our firm … no. Our company … no. Our enterprise! Our enterprise has been working on the Russian market for seven years, providing Russian businesses — no! enterprises with …)
The Expat and Russian Coworker look at their company brochure: ?????????°?»?‚?????? (consulting), ?‚?µ?…?????»???????‡?µ???????? ?°???????‚ ????-?????„?€?°???‚?€?????‚???€?‹ (technical audits of IT-infrastructure), ???????µ?????????„?µ?€?µ???†???????·?? (teleconferencing), ?°???‚?????€???????? ???????‚?°???‚-?†?µ???‚?€?° (outsourcing of contact centers), c?‚?°?€?‚?°???‹ (startups).
E (in a small voice): ?? ?µ???»?? ???µ?‚ ?€?????????????? ?°???°?»?????°? ???? ?µ???‚??, ???????????°?»?µ???‚?°. ???? ?µ???‚??, ???????…???????‰?µ???? ?€?????????????? ???»?????°? (But if there isn't a Russian analog? I mean, equivalent? I mean, a suitable Russian word?)
RC (deflated): ?”?°???°?? ???‹???‚?????°?? ????-?°?????»??????????. ?’???µ ???????????‚, ?·?°?????????? ???µ ???°?€?????°?µ??. (Why don't you speak in English? Everyone will understand and we won't break any laws.)
Michele A. Berdy, a Moscow-based translator and interpreter, is author of "The Russian Word's Worth" (Glas), a collection of her columns.